Over the years I have come to accept (albeit sadly) that mean girls will always be mean girls…even as adults, and often times they get nastier with age. As we all know, mean girls fit no particular stereotype. They can be the seemingly silent type, the church volunteer, the teacher, coach, worship leader, artist, therapist or doctor. They are toxic in the fullest sense of the word as an adjective.
Merriam-Webster defines toxic as:
EXTREMELY HARSH, MALICIOUS, OR HARMFUL
Mean girls are bullies. Period. They feel superior when they have bullied, gossiped, threatened or slandered someone. In some sick way, it boosts their self image at the victims expense.
Although people grow up, the bullying does not stop. Instead of gossiping or spreading rumors about people on the school campus or classroom, these adults are often using social media to do the same thing. Cyberbullying is sadly a growing trend, but it is not limited to youth. After perusing various blogs out there I have found that many of these blogs are from women under the guise of Christianity. WHAT?! I’m sorry, maybe I missed the part of the Bible or Jesus’ life where it says or was shown that it is okay to belittle, threaten and harass another human being. (If i am wrong, please direct me to the reference). These mean girls often post vague statuses or tweets that allude just enough to the victim that it is obvious who is the intended target. Rather than using their blog for a positive impact on society, they again allude to various situations and people just enough, so that the intended victim is humiliated once again. Often times, these posts, tweets, blogs and comments serve no other purpose than to threaten the victim. Revictimizing them time and time again.
Like it or not mean girls engage in relational aggression. Females are relational, so this hits us to our core being. One very important thing to remember is that the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” is so very very untrue…I would however say, “will never define me.” Relational aggression isn’t about the victim, but by the one bullying. Many times, they see something in the target that triggers them and take their own insecurities or fears out on the victim.
In my opinion, what I see, is that these women often claim to be healed, recovered or to have done their own “work.” But if one has done their own work, wouldn’t it stand to reason, that putting another person down indicates a problem? May I suggest that there are many unhealed healers, unhealed spiritual people, and unhealed bloggers out there. What I mean by this, is that they may have in fact done some surface work, maybe a few specific modalities, spiritual retreats; but that the root of the problem still lingers? Taking up residence in one’s body, mind and spirit. What other explanation can there be? People are not born nasty…but exposure to trauma, disappointment, rejection and the like can and will take its toll. One can’t simply talk it away. Actions are not removed by talking. Actions must be healed with action…work on the WHOLE person…body, mind and spirit.
What you put out there is what you will receive. Snide remarks, rude posts, seemingly helpful and spiritual blogs tainted with relational aggression at one or many targets only define who you are…not them. Stop the gossiping, the bullying, the relational aggression. Be positive, lift each other up, bless each other…it is far healthier for everyone.
Love and Light,